Fear

What is fear?

Fear is a protective, instinctual emotion that we experience. It protects us from harm or impending danger. Fears are developed or learned, based on our past experiences, society, and the culture that surrounds us.

The two primal fears that we are born with are –

Fear of heights and fear of loud noises.

Rational fear is when there is a clear and present danger.

Irrational fears and phobias are an extreme unwarranted fear that is linked to a specific object or event. These are the fears that keep us from living our best lives.

Some of these are — Fear of what people think, fear of the unknown, fear of change, fear of failure, fear of success.

Fear elicits a response in each of us- namely the fight or flight response. There is also a freeze response where can one can be frozen or immobilized in the face of a threatening situation.

Having a healthy dose of fear is essential to our survival, as it cautions a person to stay safe. However, most often we build up fears for various situations that are not potentially harmful in the scenario but are to our wellbeing. Eg. — Fear of public speaking, fear of the dark, fear of staying alone, fear of traveling alone.

Understanding the difference between rational and irrational fears is what aids us in overcoming our fears. Identify your fears, see where they come from. Most often parents and society succeed in transferring fears to others and their children. The media does play a huge role in creating fears as well by negative reporting.

Past experiences are also a foundation- Being bitten by a dog, having a bad relationship. The truth is, not every dog is going to be ferocious and not every relationship is going to be bad. However, we stay stuck in the trauma that the situation presented and find it hard to let go and move on. This is how we stay stuck in our fears.

“The fears we don’t face, become our limits” — Robin Sharma.

A question I often ask myself or ask my clients in coaching is — “What’s the worst that can happen?” We can all acknowledge that a little discomfort is easy to bear, especially if the outcome liberates you to grow and live freely. The payoff in overcoming a fear is a feeling of freedom and accomplishment, and the victory you feel is incomparable. To give you my own example would be, that of me writing. As a kid in school, I got such negative remarks for any assignment I submitted. Most of the remarks were that I was untidy. The experience was so humiliating, that I eventually gave up writing. I went through most of college without submitting assignments unless I had to. Much later, writing came to me so much more easily as I got over the fear of being judged and not being good enough. I soon discovered I wanted to be a writer and share my knowledge and experiences on this thing called life! So here I am writing, and unsure if I am good at it, or if it will appeal to many or a few, but just writing because I like to share my transformative experiences in the hope that it might help someone to overcome their fears and become who they want to be.