Find your authentic self !

Have your noticed how children can be carefree and spontaneous? They say what they want and act how they feel without fearing what it sounds like to others.

Somehow, adults change that in children, by making them conform to societal standards of what is expected and what suits them. This conditioning, conforming to other’s standards and opinions of a child, makes them lose their sense of self.

Teenagers are rebellious because they are trying to find themselves, to find out who they are, to assert their independence, and to gain freedom and control of their lives.

Young adults, often conform to what is expected of them by their peers, their colleagues, and bosses at work and of course society. Some take time off to travel and explore to find themselves away from their known habitat and culture.

Most of us continue well into adulthood, playing roles that are the results of our parental and societal conditioning. Eg. Getting married, being a parent, working in a dead-end job only because it’s stable and supports the family.

As I edged towards my forties, I found myself playing several roles as a mother, wife, daughter, friend, and more. I was spending less time being myself and felt stretched and fragmented. Along with this, came a lot of dissatisfaction and guilt. The guilt was because I was stretched so thin between all the roles, I didn’t even think I was good at any. Most importantly, I didn’t have time for myself, to even explore who I was anymore. This dissatisfaction and guilt led me to introspect and one day I just decided to drop the guilt. It was too big a burden to carry, especially of being the perfectionist that I was.

The first thing I did which was the hardest was that I learned to say no !!! At the start, I kept justifying to myself all the reasons I needed to say no. Till eventually, I realized I didn’t need to justify anymore. This was one of the most liberating things I did.

I learned to accept myself, warts and all. I learned to appreciate myself and all that I did and was capable of.

I learned to stop worrying about what others would think of me. I decided to be unapologetically me, irrespective of what others thought of me.

I stopped people-pleasing. I am helpful by nature and could never say no to others. And oftentimes, found myself being used and taken advantage of. I was certainly aware of this and it annoyed me, that I let it happen every time…until I learned to say no! I now draw boundaries of what is acceptable and not.

As I let go of old stereotyped patterns and behaviors that were intricately woven into the old me, I spent more time on and for myself. . I am still helpful and still play these roles, but on my terms and how I choose to!!!